Diary of a Non-Obc Man

An excerpt from Emcee's diary exactly 50 years from now


Ahmedabad, 30 April 2056: I attended the bash at the IIM-OBC Alumni Association to celebrate the fiftieth anniversary of the reservation of seats for OBCs (Other Backward Castes) in IIMs. Since I'm not an OBC, I was not supposed to attend, but at present, we MBFCs (Moderately Backward Forward Castes) together with the Non-Scheduled Tribes have a political alliance with the OBCs. We sipped champagne and talked about how so many of us had progressed from reserved seats in the IIMs to reserved jobs to reserved promotions. Unfortunately, the party broke up when a Non-scheduled Tribes faculty member objected to the OBCs dancing with all the pretty girls - he wanted equal opportunities for every caste at each dance. I pointed out that the Non-scheduled Tribes had exceeded the quota of champagne reserved for them. The party ended in a pitched caste battle.
1) May 2056: Today, I became president of the IIM Board of Directors. Under the present rotating presidency system, a member of each caste is made the president by turn. When it was the turn of the MBFCs for president, they had to choose me because I'm the only MBFC on the campus. True, I'm only the campus dhobi, but then every caste must be given an equal opportunity. All those centuries of oppression by the OSBFCs (Only Slightly Backward Forward Castes) and the OFCs (Other Forward Castes) must be rectified. I hope to restore the high standards at IIM - I overheard some foreigners calling it the Indian Institute of Morons, the other day.
2) May 2056: They've announced the cricket team for the series against Australia. I was overjoyed when they chose an MBFC man as captain. But my hopes were dashed when I realised he was a Most Backward Forward Caste and not a Moderately Backward Forward Caste. The selection committee lamented that it was gross discrimination that no member from the Jarowa tribe (the Stone Age tribe in the
Andamans) had ever found a place in the Indian cricket team. A squad has since been dispatched to the Andamans to capture a Jarowa tribal to play in the national team. I hope he will improve their performance - they had an innings defeat against the Maldives recently. I would have played myself except for the fact that I lost a leg some years ago when I was in hospital with a toothache and a doctor recruited through the Unscheduled Caste quota extracted my leg instead of my tooth.
3) May 2056: There are too many NFCs (Neo-Forward castes) in the IT business. Under the terms of the Business Reservation Act, their firms will now be taken over by the other castes. I hope they will be able to restore the Indian IT industry back to its former glory. For some unfathomable reason, it has gone down the drain after job reservations were implemented. I went for a movie featuring star actor Mungeri Ram. He may lack teeth, be four-feet-three and have hair growing out of his nose, but this year it's the turn of the EBC-RYs (Extremely Backward Caste-Rural Yokels) to be stars and Mungeri Ram is the best of the lot. I wonder why foreign movies have become so popular.
4) May 2056: A truly great day. We now have an OFBMBC (Other Forward But Moderately Backward Caste) general as the Head of the Armed Forces. I hope he'll be able to win back the territory we lost ever since reservations were implemented in the Army. Since then, the north has been taken by Pakistan, the North-east by China, the east by Bangladesh and the south by Sri Lanka and the Maldives. Only last winter, we lost the war against Bhutan and free India is now limited to the western coastal states. But I'm sure the OFBMBC general will turn the tide.
5) May 2056: My wife and I have been blessed with a bonny daughter. Since my wife's an SBBNSBC (Slightly Backward But Not So Backward Caste), my daughter will be an MBFC-SBBNSBC. I must lobby for reservation for her caste. She's the only member and I'm sure she has a great future.

Political Mantras:(forward)

Chanakya's Quotes :-message:

Chanakya's Quotes :-"A person should not be too honest. Straight trees are cut first and honest people are screwed first."

Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC 75 BC)"Even if a snake is not poisonous, it should pretend to be venomous."

Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)"The biggest guru-mantra is: Never share your secrets with anybody! It will destroy you."

Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)"There is some self-interest behind every friendship. There is no friendship without self-interests. This is a bitter truth."

Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)"Before you start some work, always ask yourself three questions - Why am I doing it, What the results might be and Will I be successful. Only whenyou think deeply and find satisfactory answers to these questions, go ahead."

Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)"As soon as the fear approaches near, attack and destroy it."

Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)"The world's biggest power is the youth and beauty of a woman."

Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)"Once you start working on something, don't be afraid of failure and don't abandon it. People who work sincerely are the happiest."

Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)"The fragrance of flowers spreads only in the direction of the wind. But the goodness of a person spreads in all direction."

Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)"Whores don't live in company of poor men, citizens never support a weak company and birds don't build nests on a tree that doesn't bear fruits."

Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)"God is not present in idols. Your feelings are your god. The soul is your temple."

Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)"A man is great by deeds, not by birth."

Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)"Never make friends with people who are above or below you in status. Such friendships will never give you any happiness."

Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)"Treat your kid like a darling for the first five years. For the next five years, scold them. By the time they turn sixteen, treat them like a friend. Your grown up children are your best friends."

Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)"Books are as useful to a stupid person as a mirror is useful to a blind person."

Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)"Education is the best friend. An educated person is respected everywhere. Education beats the beauty and the youth."

Kyon Rang Dena Hai Basanti:

Green revolution, brown sugar, red-tapism, blue film, black money etc etc. Aren’t there enough colours in India? Is it humanly possible for us to single-handedly change the entire system? It maybe nice to romanticize such exaggerations and it’ll definitely be enjoyable to watch it in a movie. But it is utterly ridiculous to even comprehend executing them in real life. We are but a speck in the desert, a drop in the ocean. Our effect in this world is like dipping your hand in the ocean and removing it. Would there be any change in the ocean? Before we even start to think about changing the system, the system will change us. So why bother! Live your life to the fullest. By this I don’t mean you don’t care about the deteriorating society. We must think about our surroundings and raise our voice against any form of injustice in our country. But to ride a motorbike and shoot the defense minister when he is out for his morning walk is sheer stupidity. Then our fate will be like those of the heroes in Rang De Basanti. Don’t you feel they could have done a lot more by staying alive? Today death, tomorrow cremation, matter close. The bottom line is…you don’t have to change the system. If each one of us changes internally, then the system will automatically change. This was one of the ideas expressed in the movie that I fully agree with. Instead of complaining about bribery, why don’t we all stop giving bribes. But do we?? If we are caught without license or for over-speeding, how many of us will go up to the police station, file an FIR, pay the fine and continue our drive. Did you even know that this is the procedure? That’s because we get away by paying the traffic constable a “nominal fee.” We feel content that we have done our duty by paying the fine… but does it go to the government? The point is… the same literates and critics of the Corrupt Indian System would not mind getting out of the line when it comes to matters involving themselves.

As a movie, Rang De Basanti maybe touching and thought provoking. As a movie, its screenplay was excellent. The way he showed how the British ruled the Indians then and how politicians are ruling them nowadays. The way he compared the two. All that was really good. But when it comes to the corrective measures… why do all the filmmakers think the same way? Heroes taking the gun or joining the politics. I mean… is it practically possible. It’s childish and immature to talk about a common man even thinking of going to politics and changing the country. Is that the only solution? There seems to be a dearth of ideas and creativity. Yuva, Rang De Basanti, Nayak etc… Guys- please think different!!!

India Bachao Aandholan:

The recent decision to raise the Narmada Dam received a great opposition from the Narmada Bachao Aandholan headed by the socialist Medha Patkar. Their request is simple- already when the dam was raised last time, thousands of tribals were at a threat of losing their homes if there was a flood. And the government has not yet provided rehabilitation for them. Without resolving their issue, Ms.Patkar feels it is unjust and inhuman to talk about raising the dam further. Seems fair doesn’t it??

If the dam is raised, Gujarat would be benefited, but the rehabilitation measures are to be taken up by the Madhya Pradesh Government because the affected tribals belong to MP. So Gujarat is pressing the central to move forward with the issue. Where is the feeling of nationalism among the states nowadays… the same was the case in the cauveri issue between Tamil Nadu and Karnataka. When 7 different European countries are able share the Rhine River flowing through them, without any problem, then what is the difficulty in sharing cauveri water peacefully between the two states? It is unfair on the part of Karnataka government to utilize their geographical advantage. There maybe ego problems between the parties in position in the two states. But why should the common people suffer? Why isn’t the central government interfering in such issues and resolving them with a nationalistic view? When there is a dispute between two state governments shouldn’t the centre take the decisions? What else is the job of the central government?

Ms.Medha Patkar finally ended her 21-day fast today. During these days she was beaten up, jailed and tortured for attempting to commit suicide. Hello!! When was fasting for a cause considered suicide?? In that case more than half of our national leaders must have been jailed. While she was in jail, there was an exclusive coverage in NDTV about a model whose dress fell off on the ramp during the Lakme India Fashion Week!!! How very important for the development of our country!!! There should be more “big fights” and “We the people” on such issues. After all, who’ll want to hear about some cranky lady being tortured in jail for fighting to help the tribals who cannot by themselves fight for their rights??

In the middle of this Aamir Khan has joined hands with the Aandholan and expressed his support to them. When Headlines today interviewed Aamir about what he thought about the issue, he replied, “ I’m not fully aware of the situation but I support the Aandholan and their cause.” HA HA HA!!! Nice try Aamir! C’mon, we can see your political intentions. I mean…he doesn’t even know what the issue is, people!!! The question here is whether the Aandholan is going to benefit from him or whether he is going to benefit from the Aandholan, as rightly put by Arundhati Roy.

Though this apparently seems to be an open and shut case… I can’t see why the Indian Government isn’t seeing this issue from the tribals’ perspective. After all, Ms.Patkar and the other activists are not against the raising of the dam. They just want rehabilitation for the tribals and justice for all. If one has to fight so much to protect one’s own rights as a human, I don’t know where India is heading. Soon we will be forced to start India Bachao Aandholan!!!!